In this book Dr. Harris sets out to relay how we can understand our behavior using simple terminology. He also attempts to explain why people don't live as good as they know how to live, and why they often act against their own self-interest. Dr. Harris asserts that within every human being there are 3 psychological roles. These roles are constructed based on "recordings" of what a person sees, hears, and experiences from birth through childhood.

The 3 roles are:

Parent- The admonitions and rules that a child heard from his parents and witnessed in what they did; the recording of external events. The no's, the don't's, the praise, the criticism. The author includes some common phrases I'm sure many people have heard from their parents such as "You're judged by the company you keep," "Clean your plate," "You can never trust a man/woman," and so on. This is the authority figure within each person, this is the part that tells others what they're doing wrong and doles out criticism or guidance, and when we beat ourselves up for doing something wrong or not doing enough this is the role we take on; that of the Parent.

Child- The feelings a person feels when he is experiences various interactions with other human beings, mostly his parents; the recording of internal events. Because very young children are unable to converse, most of their early recordings are feelings. Dr. Harris writes "The predominant by-product of the frustrating, civilizing process is negative feelings. On the basis of these feelings the little person early concludes, "I'm not OK" (p. 28). He goes on to say "Frequently we find ourselves in situations where we...find ourselves in a corner. These hook the "hook the Child," and cause a replay of the original feelings of frustration, rejection, or abandonment. When anger dominates his reason, we say his Child is in command" (p. 30). The Child also contains positive qualities including creativity.

Adult- The ability to view reality objectively and make decisions based on those objective facts. "Adult data accumulates as a result of the child's ability to find out for himself what is different about life from the "taught concept" of life in his Parent and the "felt concept" of life in his Child. The Adult develops a "thought concept" of life based on data gathering and data processing" (pg. 31).

What happens when people in different psychological roles interact? What happens when a person's Child interacts with another person's Parent? Read this book to find out. Dr. Harris uses other terminology such as "strokes" (recognition or validation) and the various ways people go about attaining those strokes. A passage which caught my attention noted how Child-Child transactions rarely last very long. The author notes how the hippie movement faded because by cutting off the source of disapproval (Parent) the hippies also cut off their source of valid praise. "Boy to girl: "Of course I love you. I love everybody!" (p. 78). If everybody is special, strokes no longer mean anything.

He also elaborates on what he views as the 4 ego states a person can hold about himself and the other people:
-I'm Not OK, You're OK
-I'm OK, You're Not OK,
-I'm Not OK, You're Not OK,
-I'm OK, You're OK.

This was not necessarily a challenging read, though it caused me to think about how I interact with others, how the behavior of other people causes me to sometimes think irrationally ("hooking my Child"), and it's given me another way to view other human beings. Highly recommended.

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I'm OK--You're OK