This is a decent book on dementia caregiving but to my eyes it has two important flaws. It is overly researched, more like a dissertation than a book aimed at the average caregiver, and I say that as a former graduate school professor. And in choosing the stories of dementia that Kiper presents, which are almost all of extremely dysfunctional caregiving, commonly of a loved one with dementia cared for by an overly responsible, deeply conflicted family member, Kiper gives an unbalanced, almost sensationalized view of dementia caregiving. In many ways, her book shows beyond dispute why family members are often the worst possible caregivers for dementia patients.

In my work as a family therapist, I encountered dementia on many occasions, and spent ten years dealing with my own mother's Alzheimer’s. There is some good info here, but it is overshadowed by the omission of examples of what could have helped the people here more quickly. Explaining what is going on in scientific language doesn't tell anyone what to do. (Any trained dementia caregiver, for example, would have told the son whose Alzheimer’s challenged father played with a live electric lamp to simply cut the power cord or buy a lamp he couldn't take apart, so the father couldn’t harm himself, not explained the neurological reasons why the son argued with his dad.)

And in 150 some pages, she only mentions the term "self-care" once!? That is the HEART of good cargiving.

Her first portrait, of a wife whose husband is happy to have an after-work drink with her at a bar but who sees her as an intruder when they later go home, threatening to call the police if she does not leave, should be the first warning about dementia care: DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME. Family members usually have no special training in dealing with people with dementia and typically are overburdened by guilt, which can cause them to take on challenges no rational person would and make bad decisions in doing so.

Her portrait of a Chinese-American daughter caring for her Chinese immigre mother focuses more on the daughter’s emotional pain from the mother’s craziness and manipulation, rather than on resources the daughter might seek out for support. It’s not enough to see the daughter’s suffering as “devotion.” The daughter’s untrained efforts often undermine both the patient and the caregiver, a point Kiper never really makes clear.

Similarly, when she describes a son caring for a mother who taunts him as sexually perverted when he tries to give her a shower, to the point that he intentionally wounds himself in frustration, Kiper misses the obvious argument that a caregiver who self-harms is a danger to the patient and himself, and needs to place their loved one in the care of competent professionals.

On balance, for all Kiper’s efforts, the only real message of this book is that caregivers, family members or not, need very specific training on caring for anyone suffering with dementia. It’s not a “you’ll get the hang of it” undertaking.

If you or a loved one or friend are struggling with someone with dementia, I would suggest Gail Weatherill's "Caregiver's Guide to Dementia" or Patti Davis’s “Floating In the Deep End” before this. You also may find support through groups like ProjectPresent, or the Alzheimer’s Association, which work to support dementia caregivers and have online as well as in-person resources.

Brand	N/A
Rating	4.5 (341 ratings)
Price	$16.2
Category	Aging Parents

Travelers to Unimaginable Lands: Stories of Dementia, the Caregiver, and the Human Brain