After I heard the news about famed surfer and previous world champ Sunny Garcia, regarding his depression and subsequent suicide attempt in April in 2019. I think everyone was shocked to hear about this, initially thinking that he had actually died. I believe he is slowly improving in ICU now.

“It’s been happening for about two years and would love to hear from any of you who suffer these feelings so I can figure out what I should do.” - This is a post Sunny put out before his suicide attempt. Depression is no joke. Depression is also not uncommon. The latest statistics state that 16.2 million adults in the US have experienced a major depressive episode in the past year.

People who have never struggled with major anxiety/depression/insomnia don't have any idea how dark the world can seem. The reason I say this is because I remember what I thought up until I was about 25 when I began to struggle with it. I really had no idea. I know there are so many different reasons and causes. I try not to judge or over-simplify things. When I heard what happened to Sunny Garcia and read some of his sincere posts my heart went out to him, his family and to all others who struggle with this.

Over the past few years I have emerged into a happy and grateful stage of my life. I'm not saying I have it all together because that would be foolish. I have just learnt some lessons along the way. We begin life as helpless. We grow into beings who can give help to others and if we reach old age we will slowly no doubt become helpless again. Lets do the best we can while we're here.

My introduction to depression and anxiety came in my mid twenties through eating cakes laced with drugs at a party. I became anxious and afraid that the anxiety wouldn't leave and it didn't. This led to insomnia, depression, nervous breakdown and a struggle that lasted for many years. I was too ashamed and too stubborn for the first decade to talk about it or to even ask for help. I was too afraid to consider medications (which I have never used) and I still don't know enough about it to offer any reliable opinion. Some people have said medications have helped and others have said the opposite. I don't know. What I do know is that up until that point in my life there was no suffering, physical or mental, comparable to what I found myself in.

I reached out to God, of course and returned to my childhood christian faith. That in itself was a journey because I began to ask questions as I reevaluated my world view and my faith. I have to be honest and say that my faith became a lifeline for me. In the process I honestly became aware that God really does help and that he really does care. I've heard it said that this is nothing more than imagined help from an imaginary friend. I wouldn't want to argue with that cynical point of view because I don't have a point to prove. There is ample evidence out there. If you believe, no proof is necessary. If you don't, no proof is enough. Beneficial to me at the time, however, was that all the research and questions I was asking kept my mind preoccupied and helped to distract me from the horrible feelings I was experiencing. Distraction. This was something I suspected from the early years but wasn't made aware of until I read some work by A.B.Curtiss, who spent 30 years struggling with depression. Her book is called 'Depression is a choice".

Feelings are extremely powerful but they are feelings. We know that. To be objective, consider this: Fear is a feeling. Courage is a choice. We look up to people who choose courage because we know that they act in spite of their feelings. This will always result in a change of feelings. We have a choice. I don't want to misquote the work of A.B. Curtiss but the understanding I gleaned from her was basically that the emotional and reasoning sections of the brain are separate and that you cannot really function in both simultaneously. Looking back on my experiences at the time I realized this to be true. This did not stop the horrible feelings from returning but showed me a way to brain switch and bypass the worst of it, even during panic attacks. You can do this, with practice, by thinking of almost anything that requires reasoning and attention: helping other people, planning a trip, mathematics, business planning, faith, research etc etc - anything that you may find worthy of interest. Dr Claire Weekes in her book on nerves also has excellent advice on how to classify, accept and correctly prioritize the negative feelings you experience over time. I know that this may seem way too simple or like a slap in the face for someone going through major depression, but give it a try and try to sustain it for the long run. Along with trying to change your thought habits to more positive stuff. This can seem impossible but it is necessary. Maybe for that you need faith.

Sport is also a way to help improve things. But its not like I see in some surfing documentaries where its a comprehensive cure. Maybe for some it is but for me exercise is just a part of the overall healthy process. And its also something else constructive to do while you heal.

Sleep is a big deal. I struggled with insomnia for months at a time, sometimes sleeping only what seemed like an hour or two a night, if that. These are hard times. I don't like sleep medication and it took me years to realize not only how important sleep is to feeling emotionally normal but also to develop practical sleeping methods that worked for me. Nowadays I use a positive but boring podcast if Im awake early hours of the morning. Distracting the mind from being too active allows the chance to drift off again.

Talking about your struggle to someone whether a counselor, psychologist or an understanding friend definitely helps. My wife has been my closest friend and sounding board who has seen me through all the ups and downs. She helps me see the blind spots I don't see.

And lastly I have to say that for many its not easy to be positive in this world. You never know what people have been through. I ask a lot of questions about the world and reality. In case its helpful to some I'll also say something about my faith, which has morphed over the years: I have come to accept that faith, like all relationships, is dynamic and in motion. My understanding has changed. Along with the wonderful stories in the Bible there are some pretty weird stories that are disturbing and have caused me a lot of grief over the years. Nowadays I take into account that life in biblical times was rough and primitive. I accept the Bible as a story from its time and a story that is headed somewhere. It comes to us through a culture we can't relate to much anymore. "God lets his children tell the story" to quote Peter Enns. In this sense the Bible is for me the word of God in the words of men. Sometimes you have to look through the culture to see the God who kept trying to tell them to love their neighbour and love the alien as they love themselves. The way I see God nowadays is not new but its more like a picture that I see of Christ. Radically generous, co-suffering love; committed to us like the best parent can be. This view is very positive and it is also one that I hold to be true.

That is a really brief summary of the things that have been most helpful to me in my journey. It is still a journey and I don't know what may come next. If anyone is helped by this in any way, though, I would consider this the most important thing I could have done today. Reach out to someone and don't suffer in silence. We all need somebody to lean on.

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